I just get time and dates and work lined up and the family needs changes and I am back to the calendar to see if I can possibly fit myself in to my week. This happens over and over. Seriously. This solo dance has been going on for years.
If I could start over I would not have children. It turns out they require the kind of work I dont enjoy. At all. I think mostly its the complaining and disrespect and the blame games. Yes the work is ok but the customer base is toxic.
I tried my mother's tactics but they failed. It is a different time and children have a sense of entitlement that might be right but definitely was not in existence when I was growing up. So I have no point of reference.
The horrendous thing about it is that I am told that I created all of that myself.
Excellent.
I have deep sorrow. Sounds over dramatic. But I do have deep deep sorrow at the waste of my life. But it is not over yet. I am taking control. I can have a productive life from now on. But today I need a strong coffee and some tears.
My shadow points at me and tells me that my parents were right. That I am nothing and will amount to nothing.
