Which life?

This week a lovely lady in another country was frustrated by local government over a public showing of a documentary piece on DIY repairs.  It brought home to me our generous freedoms that we enjoy in Australia.  But also, as I went through my day, culminating with a knock at the door, "police", I started wondering what exactly we do with our freedom.

Yes the kids had a 20 second shouting match over a piece of Kit Kat.  Yes I know.  Unbelievable isnt it?  And the new neighours, well Im just guessing, exercised their rights to call the boys in blue.  

Why are young people still at home at 18 and 20?  Why are they not motivated from a younger age to at least get a part time job?  No.  Im not wearing this one.  Ive always lived a strong work ethic.  And they have always had to do without because it is an expensive world out there.  So this one is down to them.  And Im looking at the society we live in with its message of freedom.

No matter what you think of me the facts are there.  Young people are not motivated generally to go get a job and get out of home.  Frankly I think it is me who is going to have to get a full time job and leave : again!  LOL

What about the neighbours?  It is just sad that they say hello when they first move in and want to know everything about your living situation.  But that is the end.  They dont continue to get to know you.  If they did perhaps they would come on over and say hello instead of dialling 000.  It was just a bit of shouting for less than half a minute.  Samuel alone could wake the dead.  They dont get to know you.  They dont care that while they are burning their tree prunnings in their fire they are filling up your house with acrid smoke that gives you a headache every afternoon.  They have freedoms.  Especially because they own their home and I rent.  They have freedoms.

Each day I come across people who dont want their freedoms.  Dont want to speak out, dont want to vote, dont want to vote with plenty of knowledge of the candidate, dont want to buy well, dont want to send a message to Kmart or Coles, dont want to protest.  

This weekend marked the 100 yr since the ANZACs went to fight for their country.  In the first 100 years of Australia's history there were plenty of people marching, getting informed, speaking up and voting for major changes.

This week Charlotte found some stories of Cubans getting really DIY and inventive because the country was left without engineers, just for one thing, after USA left the country.  When you look into it Cuba was left hungry and without experts, new imports of equipment and basic needs.  So they got together and got creative.  They made things and they grew their food.

Is it going to take a really bad situation to make us really live our freedoms?  Is a young person going to hit rock bottom with depression or perhaps enjoy a ride in a police car before the young people in this house are motivated to really appreciate their lives?  I dont know what it will take to move adults in this area to be neighbourly.  And what about the community in general?  Australia for that matter.  What is it going to take for us to find some spirit like the early Aussies and speak out?  There are so many things that we should be fighting for.

High on my agenda is changing the status quo of the woman of the house having to do all the food shopping and cooking.  Seriously? 2015 and we still are in charge of the chores?

Being the last to know....

that you are not parenting the autistic child correctly.  It is hard to take.  Sad.  Pathetic.  Defeating.

Even when you understand that you have no understanding of the autistic brain process it is very difficult to be patient with it.

Like tonight.  We have very dangerous steel reinforcing as our back fence.  It came with the rental property.  Samuel decided that he HAD to climb over to get a dart that had flown over it.  NO amount of telling, explaining, pleading with him would change his mind.  A drink was thrown at the back door.  A drink another adult of the house had left outside.  An adult who is old enough to know better but who chooses to leave things everywhere.  Maybe it is best that it was a drink in a takeaway container that hit the back sliding door.  The letter box is half broken.

Then came the best bit.  My older son told me his friend has autistic as a younger brother.  When the younger brother has a tantrum the mother just says three words and everything is sorted.  He was pointing out my incompetence.  Then went to the back of the house and smacked Samuel on the arms half a dozen times or more.  Left scratches and welts.  And I say to him... one day I have to call the police.  Because you are a man and you shouldnt hit anyone.  And he slams his door in my face.  And Im torn physically painfully torn deep inside because I understand his frustration but Ive chosen him over Samuel time and time again.  And why do I do that?  Why am I too frightened to defend one against the other?  Why does he make me choose?

We see the psychologist next week.  Im told I will be taught effective parenting.  I want to scream from the highest mountain I am not a weak and lazy mother.  I have two naughty older children who decided to turn on me and try to bully me once teenage years set in.  And now Ive an autistic child.  He is hard to parent and hard to understand.  I have not been slack in teaching him routines.  He doesnt follow routines.  Food, toilet, talking, sleeping..... and when he doesnt follow these routines Im comforted by the fact that I constantly have up to 3 adults here with me telling me how this is all my fault and that Im incompetent.

When my older children get jobs and move away I will be taking Samuel away and we will get on with our lives without them.  And the man in my life.... well he has sold me a car, helped me get my drivers licence and I have an overlocker that I love.  His diamond ring he can have back.  I dont need anything else from him.

He is going on nearly a months holiday next Sunday.  He tells me tonights the night.  I said wait until you come home.  He says that is too long to wait.  Well he has money and there are plenty of opportunities along the highway I suppose.

A warm Autumn day...

NOT my photo if Rye in a storm.  But it's about right.  After dropping Peter off at work today we had a good rain with plenty of thunder and lightening,  I should have gone to the beach and taken some pictures but the day was daunting and I stayed home.  Maybe tomorrow.

Im cutting out denim bags. Two kinds of bunting are waiting for the machine.  So much sewing to do.  Samuel and the beach house have been priorities today.

 Playing lego with Samuel who is killing me with his over the top frustration.

Thomas is NOT doing his school work but is playing computer games and having a merry time with a friend over skype.

The bees are buzzing, it's been a really warm day.  Im pretending to love lego but Im really looking out the window at my lovely little olive trees.  Trying NOT to notice that the lawn needs mowing.  And I doubt whether the man of the house will get it done before he leaves for holidays.

Trying to get Samuel to stop talking!  Difficult.  Next cook dinner, do dishes, hang out washing.

Tonight its finishing the bunting and... fingers crossed it doesnt take two hours for Samuel to get to sleep.  That is the minimum at the moment.

Side note:  Just still stunned that getting help for Samuel will cost so much.  And the sensory blankets Ive been investigating.... why on earth are people filling them with plastic pallets?  Let's just totally destroy the environment.... the sick earth that has too many chemicals and plastics and processed foods... that is increasing the incidence of disorders in the first place.

The "adult" thing to do.

After a round of phone calls yesterday I feel all therapy sessions and assessments are really a waste of time!  At the end of the day Samuel wasnt red flagged as being on the Autistic spectrum in prep by the school psychologist and now he is too old to get some financial help.  Our school doesnt participate in the ABA therapy and Boneo primary is full.  It costs $6000 a term.  The lady said many parents downsize, move, take out their superannuation.  I cant believe what Im hearing.

So if we look at it logically the $1000 Im spending on therapists to diagnose Samuel will get me a piece of paper that will allow the school to apply for funding to get an aide for some hours for Samuel.  Will this aide be trained to work with the sensory and anxiety issues that Samuel has?  Knowing the education department as I do... I doubt it.  So why spend the money?

Well the world at large demands that we have a diagnosis on paper.

As Samuel goes into the teen years (heaven help me) I think we are going to need some help to get him into routines around hygiene and help him with friends and school.  But is a 1/2 hour visit once a fortnight or once a month going to help?  Especially if 6 hours a week at a cost of $6000 a term is what other kids have?

So we will get the all the testing done..  But in the short term Im not going to take him to a psychologist.  Im going to find out everything I can and help him myself.  Im going to need to pay later.  But Im not going to make someone else rich at the moment.

This might sound like a really unwise move.  But honestly... if you watched these professionals test Samuel.... they make demands of him and the tests are so long.  Ok one point of view is that weaknesses will show up.  But he crumples in about five minutes!  And then after that I dont feel they are seeing really what he knows and what he can do.  Because they are so rushed and he is on his own train ride of stress and refusal.  Really?  In all that mix of high anxiety and NOT performing.... they can charge me a couple of hundred for a report?  They dont even spend enough time with him to know him.  And everyone says these kids are all so different.  Its chaos in the room.  What can they know about him?

If you search and search and get past all the "parent therapy" session blogs.... there is some scientific research and methods to help available.  It takes time to find it.  But it is there.

I dont know what shifted for Samuel last night.  It is this NOT understanding how he feels and thinks that is the mystery that I feel will never be solved for me.  Anyway he did heaps of homework.  I wonder why?  Honestly... what changed for him?

We are bathed by 7.30pm, in bed by 8.00pm and asleep by 10pm.  Its a long night.  Maybe I need some "Im in bed" things for him to do.  I dont want him to just "get up".  But if he honestly takes time to relax and get to sleep.... maybe there are some particular quiet things that he can do so he doesnt climb all over me for two hours!

Is there anything else that life has in store for me?  Any more great sins that I need to do penance for?  Load me up.

Going to bed.

It's nearly two hours to the minute since Samuel first got into bed.

In these two hours there has been fun and games, eating and drinking, throwing up, sucking on Tums.  My stomach hurts from the frustration of telling someone to get into bed, who I know isnt listening.

And I ponder that while Im taking my mind away from the situation.  The "isnt listening" part.  Because if he isnt listening... then why am I speaking?  Instead of asking him to get into the car in the mornings, perhaps I should just get everything into the car and then turn it over.  Do up my seat belt and hope he makes the connection.  Even though that sounds absolutely crazy... honestly speaking is sensory overload for me!!  Because Im the only one listening and responding... with so much stomach acid Im sure to get a stomach ulcer.  Or perhaps my head will finally explode like the muppet chef.

And yet... if I practise not speaking... then will he be learning to hear less and less?

Tomorrow it is the first day back at school and Im already in a panic because he says he is no good at school and he doesnt like school and he isnt going.

I really dont know.

My beautiful son.

After a whim took us to a very wind swept ocean beach we took these photos.  I look awful!  But I clipped some lovely photos of Thomas.  They are beautiful to me.  They capture his handsome face.

Im so proud of him.  He is struggling a little bit to get in the zone.... but he is trying to get back into study and I mean really trying.  He is going to be such a wonderful man in this world.  He will contribute great things.

 

Thomas turns 18

 He wont let me take photos these days.  But he is taller than me.  He is very handsome.  He has bucket loads of love and compassion for people..... except his little brother.  He doesnt know what he wants to be... but he has time for that.  He has some good friends but like all of us I suppose is lonely from time to time.  He carries a great sadness missing his dad.  It is a physical pain that wells up into tears quite often.  Ive feared for his life while he has fought his way through puberty.  But I think he will be ok.  He is doing year 11 this year.  A year late.  But we do things differently around here.  He loves me.  Im glad he is here.

Lots of cement to fall on to.  But nothing holds Samuel back from skating for hours and hours.  It is so bad Im praying for rain today.  Im not sure why he has become so obsessed with roller blades but he has been hooked for a week and we are basically packing the car and living at the skate park.

That's why Im sewing at 6 a.m.

Not great photos... they were taken with my phone.  But a little note just in case I forget the hours and hours spent at this place : getting sunburnt and going a little mad!

Cold wet weather with some steamy sunny bits.  Very strange.  Still holiday time and it might have been a mistake to drop into the local op shop.  Roller blades for Samuel that have hardly been off for two days now.  A new goggle and snorkel set.  Im not going to the beach today.  Two hours at the skate park was quite enough.

Nightmarish hours online and on the phone trying to organise youth allowance and school and uni.

Looking at getting into office work.  Dictaphone typing in particular.  It's a leap of faith.... well it will be after I figure out if I should buy / subscribe to Office 365 AND advertise.  What kind of files come from a dictaphone?  Lots of investigation to do.  Cant wait to get back to typing.

Off to finish two boring black screens for the tattoo parlor.  So boring that Ive been putting it off for two weeks but they are phoning and they are big bulky guys and one of them knows where I live :)

I walked back from Sam's school this morning.  He is really upset that he doesnt do well with his writing.  He has been really sick with the flu and chest infection and today he really didnt want to go to school.  But he is there.  Had a really great talk with the student welfare teacher.  All the kids and all the teachers are great.  Hope this gets resolved.  Ive asked that he is given writing work sheets that he can finish.  He gets upset when all the other kids finish writing tasks and he doesnt.  The teacher hasnt responded to my requests before.  I hope she tries it this time.  I cant be dragging him to school every morning.  He has a right to a happy primary school day.

Ive been working on  my first hook book for sale.  Its ok.  The pages inside are beautiful.... but I am going to undo the ouside cover and redo.  I can make it look sensational and then I will be happy to sell it.

Dishes, guinea pigs and sewing.... mmmmmm..... well I will fix up the animals but then Im going to leave the dishes and go sew.  Other wise it just never happens.

A beautiful sunny day here with intense clear blue sky.  Thank you God.  I just cant handle another rainy day.

Nov 5

Snow and one of him with Echo.  Guinea Pigs are so great.  The kids absolutely love them.

We had a great time at the beach and thanks to a great uncle who took some terrific photos.

The kids....

Well Charlie has her heart on her new guitar and she still wants her cello..... oops mummy bought the cello before the guitar (why oh why do her friends water down her enthusiasm.... new rule in my new world in my next life.... no friends LOL)

Thomas is being good. Lovely kind attitude..... something is wrong.

Samuel .... wow my delightful 2 yr old has turned 3 recently and now we have tantrums that I never saw coming. Sorry little man but Im an old mummy and Ive got not problem in scooping you up and giving you a good tickle or smack.... whichever fits. No he isnt too bad... but he cant graduate from hitting his head on the floor to hitting it on the walls. Nope... not having that. Im sure his lack of words give him frustration but I give him heaps of words to try and help him express and I just keep taking him away from the floor and walls. He isnt really that kind of text book baby it is just that his vocab is letting him down when it comes to emotions. Mind you Im not worried one little bit because his general vocab gets better every day.

On the flip side he kicks a ball and catches a lot of the time. He is pasting and play doh - ing and drawing. He knows some of his letters and he can count a little bit. He is so cute. Oh and we need to rotate the books. Aunties.... any more books coming our way.... we have read all of ours.... preloved books I mean well of course.

Have finally shaken off the health scare from last week and Im bouncing around juggling housework, "drink" (that's Thomas), mum poo (Thomas too ... no just joking that's Sam), (yes Ive tried toilet training but we arent quite there yet) outdoor housework and everything else.

Im finishing off strawberry patch embroidery and Ive got patchwork all over the dining room. Yep Im really really happy.

Here is a crochet pattern Im trying for my sister's baby (arrival mid December)... Im making in white. The baby patterns on the internet were so boring to I found this stitch and Im making up my own size and then will add a tiny edging later.