Starting a new phase in my life. After over a year of having to put off sewing etc because of work commitments - well now I have to put off work commitments and learn to organise and juggle home, kids and small business. In a way it is about time. On the other hand the teens are making it really hard and a lot of the time I want to run away down to the shed, to my own sewing space, and hide from their anger and demands.
Sometimes I only get a small window of opportunity to create. So I am taking the advice of a successful business person, and I am keeping a very visual and sample like journal of everything I touch, look at and create. The reasons are many. Like being able to duplicate something that turns out great. Im going back over my short and medium term goals. I might be a failure of a mother but Im not going to fail at small business. My screens, quilts and boy dolls wont, after all, be able to talk back or tell me to bugger off.
I think I have always been a little scared of my children. Scared of them making a scene, of being too strong for me to handle, of them being disappointed in me. I dont think I really let them get away with too much. Sometimes I think I have always been a doormat. It varies from day to day depending on how hard they are fighting me. I really just want them to finish their education and find a job that doesnt make them physically sick and then they can get on with making their own lives. It feels kind of sad, but I will be glad, as long as they are financially ok, when they pack their bags and go out on their own. Im tired of fighting teens.
So right now Im crocheting a cat and Im working on my lists. Next week - one of the short term goals - Peter has promised that we will make 3 more screen frames. Ive so much hand quilting to do. But Im happy in that. Just have to get the right lighting and get going again. I LOVE hand quilting.
In the back of my mind is the question : "what if Im successful with my screens and have to make heaps?" Im jotting down some ideas about how I would cope with that. There has been an offer of shared work shed space from a friend. That dedicated work space for frame making would be great. I, being me, would probably always want to make the screen covers. But there are some great sewers out there and I might be able to get someone to come and help me make the covers. That would be exciting : to have enough orders to HAVE to employ someone. I think I can get the making design and steps tight so I can make up to 5 a week. I couldnt really hope to sell any more than that. Could I?
I wonder if it is a common problem - to wish to be successful in a cottage industry but then to dread success?
Well apron on - domestic bliss calls - cleaning up Sam's painting left overs and dishes as always.