11 April 2013

The breaking of the maternal ties part 1

It would probably be helpful right about now to locate and read a book on the psychology of teenagers.  Being the adult who has looked after them and tried to teach them all the good things, give them all the good things, it is wonderful, but much more often it is gut wrenching to hear in quite rude terms that they arent too pleased with the job Ive done.

Im struggling NOT to let their waves of emotion to take over my days.  My partner gave me a light bulb moment when he said "dont let them colour your entire day".  There is such wisdom in that because I was letting their angst plunge me into self searching, self criticism.  I could still spend a whole day walking around crying because they make me feel such a failure.  But wait on.  There has to be a more balanced and a more logical response to their tantrums.  And that is what their outbursts are.  No one is starved or disadvantaged or physically hurt.

At this point :)

So in a respectful and calm way Ive told them Im the adult, I make the rules.  This is how it is always going to be.  They must get an education and get a job and then they must get their own place and pay their own way.  I waited a very long time (it seemed) to get to that place myself.  And their way into "freedom" that they crave so badly will come once they get sorted.  For me Ive a relationship and younger child and a small business to work on.

They dont seem to understand that at their age the way they behave and the words they say are potention guilt and consequences on their shoulders.  I taught them the right way.  They are too big for really much discipline at all now.  All that work on my side, teaching manners and good behaviour and respect came before.  They have to feel good about their choices and those choices are on their shoulders not mine.

We have always had the way of living... that today is a new day.  No trouble comes in from the day before.  New chances, forgiveness, peace of mind.  I find it very sad that my oldest child sees this grace as weakness.  I hope that is just for now while she is young.  


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