Celebrating living in Australia January 2015 at Sorrento back beach

 Drove to Sorrento back beach, grabbed a boogie board and faced my fears.  I'll be going back often.  Love love love this place.

Thomas turns 18

 He wont let me take photos these days.  But he is taller than me.  He is very handsome.  He has bucket loads of love and compassion for people..... except his little brother.  He doesnt know what he wants to be... but he has time for that.  He has some good friends but like all of us I suppose is lonely from time to time.  He carries a great sadness missing his dad.  It is a physical pain that wells up into tears quite often.  Ive feared for his life while he has fought his way through puberty.  But I think he will be ok.  He is doing year 11 this year.  A year late.  But we do things differently around here.  He loves me.  Im glad he is here.

Lots of cement to fall on to.  But nothing holds Samuel back from skating for hours and hours.  It is so bad Im praying for rain today.  Im not sure why he has become so obsessed with roller blades but he has been hooked for a week and we are basically packing the car and living at the skate park.

That's why Im sewing at 6 a.m.

Not great photos... they were taken with my phone.  But a little note just in case I forget the hours and hours spent at this place : getting sunburnt and going a little mad!

Ive been stupid.  Ive been so busy trying to hold everything together and scrap together an existence that I never even looked up maintenance details.  I havent checked for years.  Literally.

And now the heartache.  The amount is much more.  The money SO needed.  Not for clothes or shoes but for teeth and for school.  The child Ive been trying to nurse through sadness and isolation could have some money to do so many things.  Clothes and a hair cut.  His computer upgrade.  He has nothing.  He waits. Patiently.

But what about the love for the man?  How do I explain how much his son has gone without?  The most urgent is just one tooth.  A dentist visit I cant afford.

But doesnt the child have to come first?  Ive been such an idiot.

Last night a discussion with the child.  Telling him all this.  Asking what should we do.  He says Dad probably cant afford it.  I say he can.  It's based on his wage.  His eyes fill with tears.  Then go for it he says.  We need help.

Cold wet weather with some steamy sunny bits.  Very strange.  Still holiday time and it might have been a mistake to drop into the local op shop.  Roller blades for Samuel that have hardly been off for two days now.  A new goggle and snorkel set.  Im not going to the beach today.  Two hours at the skate park was quite enough.

Nightmarish hours online and on the phone trying to organise youth allowance and school and uni.

Looking at getting into office work.  Dictaphone typing in particular.  It's a leap of faith.... well it will be after I figure out if I should buy / subscribe to Office 365 AND advertise.  What kind of files come from a dictaphone?  Lots of investigation to do.  Cant wait to get back to typing.

Off to finish two boring black screens for the tattoo parlor.  So boring that Ive been putting it off for two weeks but they are phoning and they are big bulky guys and one of them knows where I live :)

"I didn't throw it away" Blog Train entry

This is the watch that I have kept for more than 20 years.  I bought it for my mother with my own money.  I was working at Goodman Fielder at the time.  

I found it in a little shop in Smith St, Collingwood, Melbourne.  I bought an "upside down" watch because she had worked for many years as a nurse and had one.  A plain one.  I wanted to buy her the world but I couldnt afford that.  I thought she might understand how this marcasite watch was beautiful.  It might have helped if it worked.  I thought it precious.

I keep it to remind me that I loved my mum and wanted to give her nice things that she never bought for herself.  I also keep it to remind me that I was a disappointment to her.  I keep it to remind me that although she always felt my efforts were not good enough I always gave the best that I could.  I keep it to make me strive harder to give the important things to the people I love.  I keep it to yell out inside my mind what I wanted to yell at my mother.  "You should love it because I bought it for you with all my love."

My mother was one of 11 born into a pretty messed up family.  Here she is on the back of Grandpa's truck taking flowers to market.

Here she is somewhere around 20 years old.  I always thought she was beautiful.  I think she was just born into the wrong family.  She married without her parents guiding her properly.  She married a man who ruined her life.  It is a blessing he died in my opinion and Im his daughter.  Her marriage to my step dad was the total opposite.  He is a good man.  But she couldnt relax, love herself.  The die was cast back in Diamond Creek in her parents home.  Her siblings were not supportive.  Destructive people.  So there are many reasons I guess why she wasnt happy.  There are certainly many reasons why I didnt make her happy.  But I always craved her love and acceptance.  Well any child does.



This post is part of a blog train hosted by Agatha from Green Issues by Agy on "I Didn't Throw It Away".
We have become such a throw-away society, but there are some things in our households that we still keep. Why is that so? Perhaps this blog train can unlock the reasons behind it! Follow the daily posts on this blog train and read about the stories behind the things we have kept for many years and why we didn't throw them away.


You can read tomorrow's entry at http://penelopecakefashion.blogspot.com.au/

The beach is calling but it will have to wait.  There is so much housework to do when you are running out the door constantly.  Family are here too.  And there is sewing and other crafty stuff to get on with.  Nagging at me are the phone calls, internet forms to fill out etc etc to get two older kids into school and uni.

A new job is needed and that is on my mind.  Have to find the time to sort out the software, clients, prices.  Wouldnt it be nice to just get a 9 to 5 again?

This is my luxury today.  Im pulling out the mistake and Im restarting and Im going to finish one of these.  Beautiful isnt it?

 After visiting Rye back beach we finally made it closer to Sorrento..... Diamond Bay.  We were able to get down to the beach today.... the tide was starting to turn but there was plenty of sand.  The ocean beaches and huge seaweed etc are so different to the bay.... well of course..... but to go and see them and remember.... stunning!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2015

My mission is to work very hard to make life better.  For me, for my family, for my friends and those people who need some help.  Basically I want to do better than last year.  Take more photos, enjoy new adventures.  So glad it is here.