16 April 2015

Being the last to know....

that you are not parenting the autistic child correctly.  It is hard to take.  Sad.  Pathetic.  Defeating.

Even when you understand that you have no understanding of the autistic brain process it is very difficult to be patient with it.

Like tonight.  We have very dangerous steel reinforcing as our back fence.  It came with the rental property.  Samuel decided that he HAD to climb over to get a dart that had flown over it.  NO amount of telling, explaining, pleading with him would change his mind.  A drink was thrown at the back door.  A drink another adult of the house had left outside.  An adult who is old enough to know better but who chooses to leave things everywhere.  Maybe it is best that it was a drink in a takeaway container that hit the back sliding door.  The letter box is half broken.

Then came the best bit.  My older son told me his friend has autistic as a younger brother.  When the younger brother has a tantrum the mother just says three words and everything is sorted.  He was pointing out my incompetence.  Then went to the back of the house and smacked Samuel on the arms half a dozen times or more.  Left scratches and welts.  And I say to him... one day I have to call the police.  Because you are a man and you shouldnt hit anyone.  And he slams his door in my face.  And Im torn physically painfully torn deep inside because I understand his frustration but Ive chosen him over Samuel time and time again.  And why do I do that?  Why am I too frightened to defend one against the other?  Why does he make me choose?

We see the psychologist next week.  Im told I will be taught effective parenting.  I want to scream from the highest mountain I am not a weak and lazy mother.  I have two naughty older children who decided to turn on me and try to bully me once teenage years set in.  And now Ive an autistic child.  He is hard to parent and hard to understand.  I have not been slack in teaching him routines.  He doesnt follow routines.  Food, toilet, talking, sleeping..... and when he doesnt follow these routines Im comforted by the fact that I constantly have up to 3 adults here with me telling me how this is all my fault and that Im incompetent.

When my older children get jobs and move away I will be taking Samuel away and we will get on with our lives without them.  And the man in my life.... well he has sold me a car, helped me get my drivers licence and I have an overlocker that I love.  His diamond ring he can have back.  I dont need anything else from him.

He is going on nearly a months holiday next Sunday.  He tells me tonights the night.  I said wait until you come home.  He says that is too long to wait.  Well he has money and there are plenty of opportunities along the highway I suppose.

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